As I come to the end of my first year undertaking my PhD at Cambridge not only do I still feel like a fraud – I know exactly where my offer and acceptance letters are just in case someone turns around and says ‘you don’t belong here, there has been a big mistake’ – but I feel like I am at a big academic nursery school. I am given heaps of encouragement and guidance and from the perspective of an on looker it must be like watching a toddler taking their first steps. If things go wrong my supervisor will comfort me like adults do when a child falls over and grazes their knee.
I am currently trying to complete my first ‘big girl task’ – a book review for a real journal. (It is certainly the first ‘big girl task’ as I have re-read my thesis from my Mphil and I can assure you that know adult wrote that). I do not want to let the author down, the journal, or God forbid my supervisor. I am sure she will go through it with a tooth-comb to check it before it inflicts itself on any one, but even sending her a draft is intimidating. She may be exceptionally kind and understanding but she is also my idol and beyond talented. But there have been bonuses to this task and the accompanying deluge of self-doubt.
This review has caused me to read a book more closely than I ever have before, asking more questions of the text. It has also highlighted how others will read my work, particularly if it is for examination. Also, it has meant (even though I am more than aware it is only a book review) I have been able to manically wave a pack of paper that came through the post while squeeking ‘OMG this is what a publishing contract looks like, I never thought I would get to touch one’.
Any advice is as always very much appreciated.
Early Modern Catholic Apocalypticism 
Nice post! The ‘imposter’ feeling seems to be pretty natural, and perhaps quite useful, if it encourages you to be more conscious and dedicated in your approach. I really enjoy writing reviews, for exactly the reasons you describe, and because it’s a different kind of challenge to write a short piece. One bit of advice people have offered to me is to bear in mind that it is not your own book you are reviewing; your critique should be based on the terms the author sets themselves, rather than your ideas of what should be in the book. I suppose it’s ‘review as you would want to be reviewed’…
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Yep, as a lecturer in my first proper teaching post, I can tell you the ‘imposter’ feeling never really goes away.